joke thread

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What does a soviet optimist say?

"It can't get any worse"...
 
From now on I identify as Michael Jackson.

My pronouns are "He He"
 
What's the difference between trump and the democrats?

Trump keeps winning and winning whilst the Dems keep whining and whining.
 
Continuing current theme...

Son: "Dad, what does "losing" mean"?

Dad: "I don't know son, i'm a Trump supporter"...
 
Why does trump not wear glasses?

Because he already has 2020
 
Heh, we're getting somewhere.
 
What's the worse thing you can do to a blind person? Leave a plunger in the toilet - Louis CK
Hellen Keller joke from way before Louis CK was relevant. Actually in the book “Truly Tasteless Jokes” circa 1985
 
'm still waiting for the Italian government to give me reparations for my ancestors enslavement by the Roman Empire.
 
What's the greatest source of suicide in the US today?

Having dirt on the clintons..
 
Chicken Alfredo anyone?
2886
 
Joe Biden won't be the democratic candidate for the 2020 election.

I think Elizabeth warren edges him out by a scalp..