joke thread

vagabond

doldrums
Since
Sep 12, 2010
Messages
1,426
Q: What does a lesbian bring to the second date?

A: U-Haul



Q: What does a gay guy bring to the second date?

A: What second date?
 

Mudcat

Nevermore
Since
Jan 27, 2010
Messages
32,459
A man walks into a bar and hears a voice that says, "Nice shirt." A bit later he hears, "I like your haircut." He doesn't see anyone and he asks the bartender who is talking.

The bartender replies, "It's the peanuts. They're complimentary."
 

Matty

Trinket Shipper
Since
Jan 26, 2010
Messages
44,767
Why did Adele cross the road?

To say hello from the other side.
 

Matty

Trinket Shipper
Since
Jan 26, 2010
Messages
44,767
What do you get a man with the heart of a lion?

A lifetime ban from the zoo.
 

Matty

Trinket Shipper
Since
Jan 26, 2010
Messages
44,767
When is a door not really a door?

When it’s really ajar.
 

Mudcat

Nevermore
Since
Jan 27, 2010
Messages
32,459
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?

To get to the same side.
 

Mudcat

Nevermore
Since
Jan 27, 2010
Messages
32,459
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later, there's a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, "What the heck was that all about?"
 

Matty

Trinket Shipper
Since
Jan 26, 2010
Messages
44,767
Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed?

Everybody.
 

Matty

Trinket Shipper
Since
Jan 26, 2010
Messages
44,767
At a job interview I filled my glass of water until it overflowed a little.

"Nervous?" asked the interviewer.

"No. I always give 110%."
 

Matty

Trinket Shipper
Since
Jan 26, 2010
Messages
44,767
People said I'd never get over my obsession with Phil Collins.

But take a look at me now.