joke thread

Matty

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Kids today are victims of their parents' desire to be special snowflakes.

I myself like to go old school. Fuck snowflakes.
 

roguejuror

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A young woman in New York was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.

"What are you doing here?" the captain asked.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
 

roguejuror

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Matty was calling people snowflakes before it was popular to
 

BonarRises

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Sep 18, 2018
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BonarRises make walking's into bar.

The's bartender man make the ask on's BonarRises: "Sir, you's have the drink'ing for today's?"

BonarRises make put penis balls packing on's bar counter: "I's bless you's bar. Now's! Drinking's on top's of whole house! I's is pleased you's have pleasure'ing's of make my's acquantince'ings!"

Bartender man: "Is the great BonarRises! Drinking's on top's of whole house'ings!"


And in's this moment'ings of's the now, the BonarRises make have the arrival's!
 

xpansive

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What do you call a black woman who's had 7 abortions?

A crime fighter. - Lisa lampanelli
 

Matty

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BonarRises make walking's into bar.

The's bartender man make the ask on's BonarRises: "Sir, you's have the drink'ing for today's?"

BonarRises make put penis balls packing on's bar counter: "I's bless you's bar. Now's! Drinking's on top's of whole house! I's is pleased you's have pleasure'ing's of make my's acquantince'ings!"

Bartender man: "Is the great BonarRises! Drinking's on top's of whole house'ings!"


And in's this moment'ings of's the now, the BonarRises make have the arrival's!
 

Mudcat

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Who didn't let the gorilla into the ballet?

The people who are in charge of that sort of decision.

:handshake:
 

Matty

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Hahaha, I remember him telling it now. It's Hedbergesque.