And that's very cool that they even see me as anything cool at all whether sexual or not. And so, Maxipad is feeling very sentimental actually about this little town. Sure I tangled with some people and I was usually right but there is so much beauty and greatness right here. The homies are cool as fuck, the women and girls are incredible, and the working class gents are on the level as well. All of the cool people 100% embraced me and I deeply appreciate that. When I came out here I was completely a mess. Like, bad. Sure on the poker and winning, but doing it like Stu Unger did and he did die young - and it wasn't pretty. Obviously I didn't hit one iota as big as him or anything like that, just making my hourly and whereas for him it was alcohol and drugs for me it was non stop alcohol and blotto every day I played then at the end throwing up constantly for two. Missing the train back here so many times, wandering the streets of Philly just to kill 5 hours. Getting chucked from my favorite casino because I couldn't walk. Not losing but giving my money away to people for protection, and of course there's always the low life takes waiting for spots like that. Everyone looked out for me as my room was filled up with beer cans and I'd roll over into a pile of them. The bartender giving me a full glass when I ordered two shots because she could tell that that was what I needed. And as I've said it was attempting to escape the pain of my parents getting older, and older. They almost never even show up for family functions anymore because my Mother never feels like leaving the house, and it breaks my heart. into tiny pieces that just cannot be picked up. And so I ask myself, does this pain change me. The way I go at poker, the way I always went at volleyball, the way I go at any job is as hard as I can do because I refuse to let anything get in the way. Anyone, anything. I figure out a way to beat it. Of course in volleyball you run into the REAL pros and learn that it's cool that you can score maybe 8 points off them but yeah - you weren't raised on Manhattan Beach and you ain't gonna be playing for cash. Music - sure it'd be cool to be pro. But yeah, I haven't written an original and I have no top shelf yet. When I was in Philly I was so druk all the time that I was convinced I was Bono or something. Uh yeah, no. So with music everyone was cool and supportive there and WC and that is so deeply cool.
So I isolate to what is my actual skill set. What I'm doing now as far as work and I do think big time in poker is not a deilusion of grandeur because no matter what level I play, I keep winning.
And so I thank my fans here very much for helping me find myself. Sometimes pain will do that and just about everyone (save for the takers, but they faded) has been beyond respectful.l I mean seriously even the police started giving me rides home if I was too drunk instead of taking me in. I've never run into anything that cool either.
And so I am just so thankful but agreements that cannot be broken have been made that just cannot be broken. It just hurts my heart so deeply to go, but I just don't have a choice. I have to see if I have what it takes to be World Champion level. People in places insinuated that they felt that I did and I cannot figure out aside from being an emotional rollercoaster why not. That rollercoaster can make you tilt but I'm trained too thoroughly to tilt, but at the same time if the angling is harsh enough I've been known to get annoyed, then psychotic so as to make the idiot angler(s) fade very quickly. My long time coach told me you just have to grin and bear it when that happens and that's difficult for me to accept. The same way I left because I don't want to take some woman's money that is just stopping by after her convention to have some fun, if some racist old farting up the table trashbag is trying to mentally rip on me with his other social security friends, I've always been the first one to make them wonder if they're going to make it home if they keep it up. I guess you have to grin and bear it and I think that's nonsense that exists in that community to be honest.
Anyway, so much love to this little place. I appreciate you more than you know. Thank you so much for supporting me in the never ending battle of fighting my demons and finding me find my way. If you ever need anything at all, let me know.
Love.
). Your kid is adorables btw and I am deeply happy for you, always. Only love, just been mad stressed trying to make it big and what I said had absolutely nothing to do with you. Nothing.
