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New Years Resolutions part II

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bacon

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Here are my New Years Resolutions:

To find Elliot Spitzer a younger girlfriend.

To get Miley Cyrus a good set of balls to wreck.

To not "like" every picture with a family and a dog in it just because it's the "grown up" thing to do.

To lose 50 pounds of fat and gain 50 pounds in currency.

To be the "Tony Robbins" of selfies and become the selfie self help guru.

Get waxed

Donate money to the charity Allysa Milano advertises so Sally Struthers can eat again.

Stop trying to find Groupons for Adderal.

Lastly, find Ed ONeil (Al Bundy) and convince him I am his illegitimate son.