There are elements of this story which are true but it is all twisted up. What we have here is a Rashomon situation.
I'll respectfully tell you what really happened.
One day I was doing my morning run when suddenly from the other direction I saw a Pakistani running straight towards me. He had a crazy look in his eye and he was carrying a bicycle on his back and wearing a helmet which was unbuckled. It was a wide path and I moved to the side as much as I could but the Pakistani kept coming right at me. "Stop!" I cried but he just shouted, "Tales of poddle!" I tried to dive out of the way but it was too late and he ended up crashing into my ass which is a very reasonable size.
We landed in a pile on the ground with shanty's arm up my ass to the elbow. He was mumbling something about me being very lucky and I said, "You should watch where you're going! Also, take your arm out of my ass!"
But he did not take his arm out of my ass and I could feel fingers scrabbling around inside me like National Gerbil Day inside Richard Gere.
"Sir!" I said, "What are you doing up my ass? Do I look like Mister Slave to you? Because you sir do not look like Lemmiwinks. De-ass your arm sir!"
At this point shantystar pulled his arm out and my ass cheeks (which, I might mention, are made of a titanium alloy) slapped together with a manly clap. He was still mumbling something about me being extremely lucky and that's when I noticed he was holding a handful of poo which he had obviously removed from up my ass.
"You may have the poo," I said, "but what do you want it for?"
"You are so lucky and skilled and masculine," he said, "that even your poo must be as valuable as SBR points. I only wish I had enough to fill a truck." And he put the poo in his pockets and lifted the bicycle up on his back and ran away.
"You do not have to carry the bicycle shantystar!" I cried. "You can get on it and ride!"
But he continued to run away with the gait of a troubled camel and all I could hear as he disappeared into the distance was, "Mudcat is extremely awesome . . . very, very cool . . . "
