FIVE STAR THREAD! Casper you had me cracking up. May I add some additional advice?
Matty, I know we are not friends anymore because you went from Canadian to Pollack in 60 seconds, but I still wanted to share with you what to avoid when courting Cali Girl. Not saying I am an expert, but I may know more than a thing or two about wrecking shit before wrecking shit.
10. Try not to yell goal when you are plowing her from behind. Unless it is World Cup season, then you are allowed.
Good advice. I also don't respond well to "Score" or "Yaba-daba-doo".
9. Don't make that smug "who me" face more than once an hour.Yes, it worked for Webster in the 80's and yes you can pull it off from time to time, but shit gotta be contained.
I don't know, smugness can be sexy, as long as it doesn't reach cockiness.
8. Read her mission statement on finger fucking. A truly riveting read, and you will learn how to pleasure her. I never knew that you could get a girl off without a baseball bat attached to a car battery.
TRUE THIS. Will someone find that thread and bump it? You all could use a refresher course.
7. Play her guitar, but refrain from playing anything from a Caucasian boy band circa 1993. Boys 2 Men is alright as long as it is done on a dimly lit pier and you are wearing a yellow zoot suit.
Better yet, write me a song.
6. Cook her all that food you post pictures of. She obviously likes to eat. They say food leads to sex. If that's the case, you can be riding that blond backside faster than Giada's head grows another 5 inches.
Yes I love food, all food. And love trying new things. If you can't cook, take me out somewhere new.
5. Talk about independent film and Broadway shows. Show her you have a sensitive and complex side. If you must talk about Transformers 2, discuss it's editing and or production qualities. Mention Megan Fox ONCE and you may be in for a long night of masturbation mambo.
Eh, I get bored with that after a little while. Theatre is great, but I'd rather just talk, about anything. Talking about theatre, for me, is talking about work.
4. She likes to drink. I mean, by what I read, this girl makes those Intervention chicks look like amateurs. Keep a fifth of something close by. Better make it 2/5's. That would equal a 40 correct? I suck at math.
Yes I do. Just last Friday I had 6 or so glasses of wine, 4 beers, 3 glasses of champagne and a vodka on the rocks over the course of one night, or 6 hours. That may not be a lot for some of you (2.3 drinks per hour), But for a girl my size that's enough to make me pass out. Luckily I like to party so that keeps me up.
3. Try to mention how glorious she looks. You make that word sound sexy and sincere.
always love compliments.
2. Tell her how much of a douchebag I am (oh you have already done that..lol)
nah, trash talking is not terribly attractive. but i do LOVE gossip.
1. Show her that Coke can penis and tell her it's the choice of the next generation.
yes, I love a good cock.
