joke thread

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If you do the forum's toast.

Hah! Funny joke
 
A beautiful woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.

The woman seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the flustered bartender managed to stammer.

"Tell him," she whispered, "There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.
 
What did one snake say to the other?

"This Flyers team is hiss-torically baddddd"
 
What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.

------------------


I saw a man trying to rape a girl, i decided to help, she didn’t stand a chance against both of us
 
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded, what is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
 
What did the voice on Plommer's phone say as the police kicked in his door and arrested him for being a pedophile?

"This is Stevek. Gotcha."
 
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers”.

She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”

To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
 
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
 
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
 
I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
 
stevek
What did the voice on Plommer's phone say as the police kicked in his door and arrested him for being a pedophile?

"This is Stevek. Gotcha."
Click to expand...
This is the first Gamelive joke that will actually come true.
 
plommer
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
Click to expand...
Obviously a lie. No one would ever marry that face, just as no one has ever consented to sleeping with it without being paid money that you scammed from people.
 
Interviewer - How do you explain this 4-year gap on your resume?

Me - That's when I went to Yale.

Interviewer - Oh, that's really impressive. You're hired.

Me - Thanks, I really need this yob.

🤝
 
Fred Flintstone's famous catch-phrase was yabba dabba do.
 
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