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Have you ever been in a fight?

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just about daily for the past almost 20 years...... its kinda weird and trianguler/rectangular... filled with all sorts of love/hate/bitterness


my spine and ribcage fight an undefeated winning battle vs my penis and mouth everyday... there were some close calls in my youth, but the spine and ribcage managed to stay victorious..... these days, its really a rare day when mouth and penis try to FINALLY unite, usually coinciding with my gf being out of town for a few eays..... its so deflating to lose like this over and over.... didn't the washington generals beat the globetrotters ONE TIME at least?

anyways. I won't give up despite the overwhelming evidence that this won't happen
 
monkey+on+a+horse.jpg


Lil dude on the right is about to be monkeyf0cked. I get it now.

lol @ the Jesus Shaves mug.
 
I have been in more fights that I would like to admit to. In college I was the prototypical frat guy/football player/meathead/drunk. I didn't think my night was complete until i was blacked out. Usually when I was blacked out I would try to start a fight with our rival fraternity. I would do it with out without anyone backing me. Sometimes it worked in my favor sometimes it did not.....
 
I've been in a few fights in my time, mostly when I was tweaking pretty hard. Sadly my experience was that I lost the fights my big mouth got me into, but won the ones I started out of a legitimate difference of opinion, i.e. bad business deal or roommate theft.

Interestingly enough, like Muddy, I too picked a fight with a guy who drank my booze and smoked my fags without asking first. I didn't have a delayed reaction though, came home spun, saw that asshole on the couch and cracked him on the side of the head with his own home theather satellite speaker. He was bleeding out his ear after that and exited the premises without protest smartly. Sadly, I felt quite justified about it for a long time, and only now realize just how much booze ran my life. It still does, but with a few more years under my belt, I don't sweat small potatoes like that anymore. If somebody drinks my booze without asking too many times, I just give them a bottle of rum as a gift with Sorbitol dissolved in it. A couple days of shits seems a much more proportionate response to the crime.
 
Never.

But I gave a guy a black eye once. I do NOT like being cheated on.

Oh, and once I shoved my ex-roomate back out of the door when she tried to come in my house without the money she owed me.

I'm come close a few times. Luckily, I had my tough friends with me those times. Once I was leaving the bar with my sister and her friends. Well, not so much a "bar" as a stupid ghetto club I didn't want to go to in the first place. Anyway, everyone was funneling out the door and it was packed. I guess this girl behind me got separated from her "Boo"....who was hitting on my sister a few paces in front of me. So, this bitch kept reaching for him over my shoulder, which meant she was leaning her whole arm on my shoulder. Finally, I just grabbed her arm and tossed it off of me without looking back. This happened a few times and each time she would slam her arm into my shoulder even harder. I still never even looked at her. Finally I started hearing the rumblingd of: "...stuck up white bitch...needs her ass kicked...gonna grab her by her fucking hair..." Before I knew what happened, my sister lunged and grabbed her. I guess she (unknown to me because I still wouldn't even look at her) had cocked her arm back and was getting ready to punch me in the back of the head. Nice. Takes a real tough girl to punch someone in the back of the head. My sister told me later that she knew the girl from when she lived in the projects and basically said that if she wasn't there, I would have been in the hospital. To which I replied: "No, if you weren't here I wouldn't have been in that bar in the fist place and you wouldn't have been flirting with her 'boo'". We had a good laugh.

I also came pretty close to getting jumped by some fat chicks one night. Maybe I wouldn't have been so bitchy to them if they hadn't been all over my BF every time I walked away from him. I was starting to worry he was covered in Krispy Kreme icing! They really did try to battle me on the dance floor. Then they tried to get more attention from the band than we were (my sister was with me again)...even thought we knew the band. THEN they resorted to butt-checking me...which backfired because I may be little, but I'm more sturdy than I look. They were the ones that ended up stumbling over. Must suck to be fat AND a klutz. When I was about ready to turn around and start swinging, my sister grabbed me and bought me a shot. We forgot about the whole thing.

Oh, there was once in HS when I really wanted to get in a fight, but the chick was scared. I know...of me....pretty sad. We were all leaving a party that had been broken up and the cops were EVERYWHERE. As a little background, a group of girls REALLY hated me in HS. Just that night I had almost been jumped, my friend got punched and they threw beer all over me. I was less upset about my sweater and more upset about the dwindling beer supply, but I digress. So we're all in this teenage drunken traffic jam and all of a sudden I feel the car behind me hit me! I looked back and saw it was on of the girls that had thrown beer on me, but hey, I'm a nice person. I figured she probably slipped on the ice. Plus, I was driving a '92 Topaz that I got for free and she didn't hit me hard. There were cops around and none of us should have been driving, so I figured I would just let it go....until she hit me AGAIN! At this point, I started processing that she was actually doing it on purpose. Before I had a chance to decide my next course of action, the bitch hit me AGAIN! I slammed my car into park and jumped out. I ran over to her car as she was locking her door and rolling up the window. I started pounding on her fucking hood and screaming: "You want to hit my car, CUNT?! Why don't you get out here and hit ME?!" Mind you, this girl had at least 50 pounds on me and she REFUSED to get out of her car. She and her passenger (a girl I actually got along with) were terrified. I'm not kidding. I'm not physically intimidating by any means, but I was in crazy-eyed psycho mode. So, she was refusing to get out of her car, my friend was trying to pull me back into my car as the cops all over the street were starting to take notice. Just then the stupid bitch rolled down her window a crack and yelled: "Get a life, you cross-eyed bitch". My lazy eye was NOT something I joked about back then. I. Fucking. Lost. It. I grabbed her door handle and just kept yanking on it. I would have pulled it off if I could have. I was screaming "Get out of the fucking car, bitch!" at the top of my lungs. A cop finally shouted over to us: "Is there a problem here?" Fucking coward put on her best sweet voice and said (still through a barely cracked window): "No officer, nothing is wrong." While I screamed back at him: "The problem is that THIS fucking bitch won't get out of her FUCKING car!!!!!!!" I don't know how, but my friend manager to get me in the car and we finally left. To this day, that's probably the closest I've come to a fight because that's the ONLY time I've ever wanted to beat the living shit out of someone. There would have been a fight if she had gotten out of the car. Period. She was bigger than me, but I had a lot of rage.

Ah, that was a fun trip down memory lane. The one and only time I've ever felt tough. :)
 
I do to, Mudcat. There are days I think back and really wish that fat bitch had gotten out of her car.

And those are only some of the fights I've almost gotten in with girls...for some reason, a few dudes have tried to fight me, too.