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(For Matty) Top Ten Ways To Get Into Caligirls Pants

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CASPERWAIT$

CASPERWAIT$

Drama Moobs Your Mom
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Matty, I know we are not friends anymore because you went from Canadian to Pollack in 60 seconds, but I still wanted to share with you what to avoid when courting Cali Girl. Not saying I am an expert, but I may know more than a thing or two about wrecking shit before wrecking shit.

10. Try not to yell goal when you are plowing her from behind. Unless it is World Cup season, then you are allowed.

9. Don't make that smug "who me" face more than once an hour.Yes, it worked for Webster in the 80's and yes you can pull it off from time to time, but shit gotta be contained.

8. Read her mission statement on finger fucking. A truly riveting read, and you will learn how to pleasure her. I never knew that you could get a girl off without a baseball bat attached to a car battery.

7. Play her guitar, but refrain from playing anything from a Caucasian boy band circa 1993. Boys 2 Men is alright as long as it is done on a dimly lit pier and you are wearing a yellow zoot suit.

6. Cook her all that food you post pictures of. She obviously likes to eat. They say food leads to sex. If that's the case, you can be riding that blond backside faster than Giada's head grows another 5 inches.

5. Talk about independent film and Broadway shows. Show her you have a sensitive and complex side. If you must talk about Transformers 2, discuss it's editing and or production qualities. Mention Megan Fox ONCE and you may be in for a long night of masturbation mambo.

4. She likes to drink. I mean, by what I read, this girl makes those Intervention chicks look like amateurs. Keep a fifth of something close by. Better make it 2/5's. That would equal a 40 correct? I suck at math.

3. Try to mention how glorious she looks. You make that word sound sexy and sincere.

2. Tell her how much of a douchebag I am (oh you have already done that..lol)

1. Show her that Coke can penis and tell her it's the choice of the next generation.
 
4. Most of us here are way heavier drinkers than she is. I keep two or three fifth's of bourbon at all times.

2. No I haven't. I probably called you a sick man who's good with words and can be funny, like here.

1. :lmao::clap::lmao:

Casper I ain't courting CaliGirl. Casper I have a girl and I luvs her.

Casper that was good. :up:
 
Daft
I kind of hate this because it will start up a new round of nonsense but I definitely LOL'd when I read #10.

I'm hoping Cali can laugh at this too.
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This was done in complete humor. No anger or venom unleashed. I needed a relevant (is that the way to spell it Cali?) topic and it seems the Matty/Cali angle was the way to go. Daft, it is done in fun.
 
All this advice shoulda been directed towards Fiveteamer. He's the eligible bachelor, and a little birdie told me that Cali wasn't completely indifferent to his charms.

ktu.jpg
 
Matty
All this advice shoulda been directed towards Fiveteamer. He's the eligible bachelor, and a little birdie told me that Cali wasn't completely indifferent to his charms.

ktu.jpg
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Teamer wouldn't take advice from me. he said so in our conference call 2 months ago. He is another Canadian that went all stupid for no apparent reason. Just tell him the advice is from you. He may take it then.
 
No venom, all in fun?

Casper, one doesn’t need a degree in psychology to see that there is more than just a hint of jilted lover’s jealousy contained in this list, only you were never a lover.

Casper, I’m no stranger to rejection. It stings, even hurts sometimes but it’s not the rejecter’s problem, it’s the rejectee’s shame to bear in most instances. With me it’s the physical appearance, I mean I’m a fat fuk and that’s not attractive. You though, relatively decent looking I guess, certainly have the potential to be witty, perhaps even charming but you have that short-circuiting wire in there somewhere that triggers this needy, jealous, childish behavior in you that ruins things.

Casper, I have to do a complete body makeover to get what I want, you just have to stop being a tool. Casper, STOP BEING A TOOL.
 
wal66
No venom, all in fun?

Casper, one doesn’t need a degree in psychology to see that there is more than just a hint of jilted lover’s jealousy contained in this list, only you were never a lover.

Casper, I’m no stranger to rejection. It stings, even hurts sometimes but it’s not the rejecter’s problem, it’s the rejectee’s shame to bear in most instances. With me it’s the physical appearance, I mean I’m a fat fuk and that’s not attractive. You though, relatively decent looking I guess, certainly have the potential to be witty, perhaps even charming but you have that short-circuiting wire in there somewhere that triggers this needy, jealous, childish behavior in you that ruins things.

Casper, I have to do a complete body makeover to get what I want, you just have to stop being a tool. Casper, STOP BEING A TOOL.
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Lol, you could not be more wrong Wally. I was not a jilted lover. Matty understands. he knows my humor. Anyone that knows me from my SBR days knows about my top ten lists. Cali Girl is not on my radar. I am busy with work and girls in New York. Nothing against her, but she really isn't my type after consideration. She is young. I am not being a tool, I am just writing a funny list. That's all. Sorry you couldn't see it for what it is.
 
Without reading the thread let me see if I can guess how it goes. Casper makes a post with a lot of obvious drama-queen tone and intent. Rejected wannabe lover retaliating and taking shots because, pathetic though it may be, it is the only way he knows to remain in her life yada, yada.

But he imagines he has written it so smoothly that maybe it can be taken as only joking around.

It is nowhere near as smooth as he is deluding himself and people correctly call him out as an instigator/beater-of-dead-horses/gigantic-girl's-blouse.

Casper tries to frame himself as a victim of the thread amidst several nervous insincere "lol's".



How did I do?
 
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