Yahoo answers

[gregm]

Rob delaney tweets

“The club can’t even handle me right now.” What, like structurally? Should we call an engineer? Evacuate? Please advise.

My toddler’s favorite game is probably “Open & close a screen door 40 times til it breaks then shit my pants.”

Just passed a guy wearing a “# 1 Dad” T-shirt. On my way home now to ask my kids what the fuck.

 

[gregm]

rob delaney

"is heaven missing an angel? Because it looks like your face got burned off or some shit entering Earth’s atmosphere.

12 string guitars only have 6 extra strings, but they're 85 TIMES as likely to be used in a song about wizards.

rob delaney @robdelaney
Guns don’t kill people. People who say “Guns don’t kill people” kill people. With guns.

Rather than telling your kids Santa isn’t real, just tell them he died. It’s a more useful life lesson.

I let my wife call the shots on dumb shit like money or our daughter but when it comes to pizza toppings, I’m “El Presidente.”

Been going through a rough time lately. Not “sweatpants in public” rough, but difficult nonetheless.

Did you know that CVS stands for “Consumer Value Stores”? Here’s the deal: I’m pretty lonely.

If you use the term “man card” seriously, I assume you use it to access your “man cave,” so you can hunker down & gobble some “man dong.”

 

[Gilmartin]

“The club can’t even handle me right now.” What, like structurally? Should we call an engineer? Evacuate? Please advise..

ROFL

 

[gregm]

these are my favorites

rob delaney @robdelaney
Kim Kardashian's sex tape was longer than her marriage.

rob delaney @robdelaney
I'm so mad at these refs I'm gonna go to Foot Locker & shit on the floor!

"Poking" someone on Facebook is exactly as creepy as showing them your soft penis in an elevator.

rob delaney @robdelaney
Children give terrible gifts because they’re poor.

robdelaney
My son just handed me a duck & a pig from his puzzle & smiled as if that made us “even” for all the food/clothing I’ve given him

rob delaney
I don't speak Italian, but Pinot Grigio means "slut fuel," right?

Just passed a guy wearing a “# 1 Dad” T-shirt. On my way home now to ask my kids what the fuck.

 

[reno cool]

haha, nice greggy. i don't get the CVS one

 

[Gilmartin]

haha, nice greggy. i don't get the CVS one

I think he is referring to the fact that only someone with no life would take the time to research what CVS stands for.

 

[bacon]

My toddler’s favorite game is probably “Open & close a screen door 40 times til it breaks then shit my pants.”

These are pretty good

 

[Matty]

[TWEET]336594699336953857[/TWEET]

 

[gregm]

Josh Hara @yoyoha
"Just because you can't dance, doesn't mean you shouldn't dance" - Alcohol

Josh Hara @yoyoha
Don't forget to stop and Instagram the roses.

 

[Matty]

#winning

 

[roguejuror]

Greg you can embed tweets. Just copy the tweet id number in the URL and use the twitter icon.

[TWEET]336890843405377537[/TWEET]

[TWEET]336882456584138754[/TWEET]

 

[gregm]

thanks rj.

 

[gregm]

[TWEET]100322571454652416 [/TWEET]

[TWEET]53261272518639616 [/TWEET]

 

[gregm]

[TWEET]102532774136778752 [/TWEET]

[TWEET]227210489401311232 [/TWEET]

[TWEET]171616620316344320 [/TWEET]

[TWEET]162797664650543105 [/TWEET]

 

[gregm]

[TWEET]211951365767970816 [/TWEET]

[TWEET] 253668014241771520 [/TWEET]

[TWEET] 205462775521222656 [/TWEET]

[TWEET] 335786714633224192 [/TWEET]

 

[gregm]

 

[Cami]

"that way your a mile away, and have their shoes"

 

[Matty]

[TWEET] 335786714633224192 [/TWEET]