Bread
Current Corpse
- Since
- Jan 20, 2010
- Messages
- 28,141
- Score
- 48
- Tokens
- 0
Q: Any reaction to (Kevin) Durant at Rucker Park? Isn't that the stuff of legends?
@SJU212 (Via Twitter)
SG: Dropping 66 points at Rucker Park? Impressive but not legendary considering Steve Burtt Jr. exploded for 68 there in 2007. Hitting five straight 3s, including two from at least 30 feet? Now THAT was the stuff of legends. My favorite Durant/Rucker clip was called "Kevin Durant Catches Fire in the 4th Qtr (Unedited)," which featured first-class camera work as the clip slowly morphs into complete chaos. I love how everything crests with the fifth 3 which had to have been 35 feet and was the spiritual Godfather of Larry Bird's falling-into-the-trainer's-lap 28-footer that led to two Hawks jumping off their own bench in disbelief.
In "Durant Catches Fire," the entire crowd played the part of those two Hawks and pushed that performance over the top. My favorite supporting performances...
The Fake Body Puncher (0:42 mark): After Durant makes his second 3 in the clip, check out the shorter kid in the white T-shirt who comes flying in for a joyous fake body punch, then gets greedy and misses his next one as Durant is running away from him. Let's vote on this right now: Anyone who thinks the fake body punch should replace the chest bump, say aye. (AYE!)
The I Told You Guy (0:48): Defiantly screams, "I told you! I told you!" as if he had predicted on Christmas that SEAL Team Six was going to catch bin Laden in Pakistan. Thank god he showed up that night the fans needed someone to warn them ahead of time that Kevin Durant might catch fire in a Rucker Park game.
The Yes Sir Guy (0:51): My favorite guy in the clip he's the one wearing an Elite T-shirt who beams into the camera, gives the thumbs up for Durant's last 3 and can't say anything other than, "Yes sir yes sir." He's so damned happy. This was the part that briefly pushed me into "I'm profoundly sad about the effing lockout" mode.
Token White Kid No. 1 (1:14): One of the first to greet Durant after his third 3 in the clip. We need to colorize this clip at some point I don't want any white people in it. Let's get rid of all of them.
The I Told You Guy (1:18): No reaction after 3 no. 3 other than disbelief and a giddy "Yeah!!!!!" In his defense, I mean, he already told us. HE TOLD US!!!
The Yes Sir Guy (1:19): Takes it up a notch by laughing, "It's over!" and then doing a throat-slitting gesture and laughing again, "It's over!" before immediately getting fined $50k by David Stern. What's over? I'm not sure exactly. But I loved it. One of the small-market NBA teams should hire The I Told You Guy and The Yes Sir Guy, stick them next to their team's bench and let them do their thing every home game, along with
The Damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Guy (1:25): He needs to come, too. Probably our single best reaction... he's just squinting and laughing in disbelief like he just watched a naked Kate Upton jump on a trampoline for 10 minutes. If you can get someone to randomly make that face by playing basketball, hitting a golf shot, making a killer joke at a roast, farting it really doesn't matter as long as they made that face.
Possibly Fake Announcer (1:27): Just an FYI this isn't the Rucker announcer doing the play by play, just a possibly random dude who either (a) was brought in as a second announcer to scream out point totals to the crowd, or (b) brought his own microphone to the game, prowled the sidelines and screamed unsolicited commentary while inexplicably wearing a championship belt. I might try this idea for a few Clippers home games this season. Oh, wait, we're not having a season.
Token White Kid No. 2 (1:46): Closest to Durant right after his final 3 when the crowd rushes the floor. Again, we'll fix this later when we colorize it we're going to make him look like a young Suge Knight. Same for you, Token White Guy No. 3 at the 1:55 mark. We're going to make you look like Oscar Gamble circa 1976.
Possibly Fake Announcer (1:47): Comes at Durant with a defiant finger-point, followed by a pulling of Durant's head that lasts for about three seconds too long. Wasn't it enough that you got to fake-announce this game, buddy? Now you're going Scalabrine on us?
The Real Announcer (2:13): It's sneaky, but check out how Real Announcer (also holding a mic) wanders right next to Possibly Fake Announcer, then it looks like they might start talking right when the camera cuts away. You're still doing the fake-announcing thing, huh? I thought we talked about this
Goofy Guy In Orange T-Shirt (2:19): His new claim to fame: "I was Durant's last complicated handshake after his fifth straight 3 at Rucker. I swear to God! Go on YouTube and search for Kevin Durant Catches Fire in the 4th Qtr (Unedited)! I'm right there! The 2:19 mark!"
Tall Guy In The Green Hat (2:22): The biggest disappointment of the clip he looked like a giant Slick Watts and we never got a good enough look at him. Let's go ahead and say definitively that there is no other conceivable social situation in which Durant and Tall Guy In The Green Hat will interact again.
The Two Rucker Security Guards (2:24): Thanks for showing up, fellas. You're a little late.
This makes me want to go to Harlem.
:
