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Do you eve feel stuck?

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IAG

IAG

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I worked for years at a great job where I had no problem tackling problems and work...but it seems like since I've been back taking care of mom I feel overwhelmed and can't seem to get going on projects...seems like everything is overwhelming.


I have always worked best under pressure, ie., (papers finished the night before in college, , I have a strong work ethic, ) but this is nuts. Things in my personal life are left undone...I have 25 boxes of clothes to sort thru, boxes of pictures to arrange, etc...if it HAS to be done for some reason (bills paid on time) I can manage it, but larger projects have gone undone for months...and it's certainly like I don't have the time.

I think I read this was a symptom of some disorder...maybe it's just part of the isolation depression. It's kind of like feeling so overwhelmed that I can't start in on a project. If I can't get it all done NOW, I don't even start. I'm kind of rambling but I have to figure out a way to get past this. Google "how to motivate" I guess.


Thanks for listening. Any ideas would be appreciated.
 
I think it just has to do with the depression. I get the same way when I am down, I can't seem to find the motivation to do anything, and it always seems like there is so much more to do then I thought. Maybe you could hire Lori for some extra time and have her help you out? Maybe having someone do it with you will give not only motivation, but maybe then you won't feel so overwhelmed if you have some help.
 
Okay here's what I have to say about this:

It is not unusual at all, having mental roadblocks with big projects. I battle it constantly and it is common in my vast experience with people in the recovery community. I don't think of it as some kind of syndrome or disorder, just being human.

How I deal with it is to play a bit of a mental trick on myself. I'll use an example. Once upon a time I decided I wanted to write a novel. And so I would get my big 3-ring binder full of blank lined paper and a pen and set myself down. Inside a minute, the negative internal chatter would start.

Are you fucking kidding? A novel? That is a HUGE undertaking. Think how much work that is and how far away it is even if everything goes right. A fucking novel?

And it always seemed a whole lot easier to go watch TV or drink a case of beer or whatever.

What I had to change was my attitude. I had to start looking at it in terms of progress. Progress is everything. Instead of sitting down with the idea that I was writing a novel, I had to tell myself I had a goal for that day to make progress. There was a time in early recovery I kept a journal for all my little daily goals. I had so much shit in my life that needed to change so much, it was overwhelming - but the idea of making progress - that wasn't so bad.

So back to the novel example, I would sit down with my binder full of blank paper. As soon as I had written one word, I knew I had accomplished a goal. I knew I could go put a little check mark in my journal. That felt good to me. So good I might work for 10 minutes, or 20 - or maybe I'd just get rolling and go for 4 hours.

And I would go put the check my mark in my journal - and schedule the same thing for the next day: PROGRESS NOVEL. I felt good. Maybe it is a silly game of setting myself up for almost sure success but fuck it - I felt good.

And some days I might fail and not even get one word done. Some days I just have to accept that I am human and forgive myself and reschedule for the next day.

Long story short, little bits of progress add up - I wrote 3 novels. (And now the punchline: and maybe someday I will even write a good one.)

But it is an important attitude which I still use all the time for any kind of medium-to-large undertaking. I haven't used an actual journal in a long, long time. It is more of an internal thing now - although I do often use the Calendar function in Microsoft Outlook to get myself kick-started. I get the daily pop-up PROG MUSIC PROJECT (or whatever). Do that for a few days until habits kick in.




Anyway hope that made sense and is helpful in some way.
 
Mudcat
Okay here's what I have to say about this:

It is not unusual at all, having mental roadblocks with big projects. I battle it constantly and it is common in my vast experience with people in the recovery community. I don't think of it as some kind of syndrome or disorder, just being human.

How I deal with it is to play a bit of a mental trick on myself. I'll use an example. Once upon a time I decided I wanted to write a novel. And so I would get my big 3-ring binder full of blank lined paper and a pen and set myself down. Inside a minute, the negative internal chatter would start.

Are you fucking kidding? A novel? That is a HUGE undertaking. Think how much work that is and how far away it is even if everything goes right. A fucking novel?

And it always seemed a whole lot easier to go watch TV or drink a case of beer or whatever.

What I had to change was my attitude. I had to start looking at it in terms of progress. Progress is everything. Instead of sitting down with the idea that I was writing a novel, I had to tell myself I had a goal for that day to make progress. There was a time in early recovery I kept a journal for all my little daily goals. I had so much shit in my life that needed to change so much, it was overwhelming - but the idea of making progress - that wasn't so bad.

So back to the novel example, I would sit down with my binder full of blank paper. As soon as I had written one word, I knew I had accomplished a goal. I knew I could go put a little check mark in my journal. That felt good to me. So good I might work for 10 minutes, or 20 - or maybe I'd just get rolling and go for 4 hours.

And I would go put the check my mark in my journal - and schedule the same thing for the next day: PROGRESS NOVEL. I felt good. Maybe it is a silly game of setting myself up for almost sure success but fuck it - I felt good.

And some days I might fail and not even get one word done. Some days I just have to accept that I am human and forgive myself and reschedule for the next day.

Long story short, little bits of progress add up - I wrote 3 novels. (And now the punchline: and maybe someday I will even write a good one.)

But it is an important attitude which I still use all the time for any kind of medium-to-large undertaking. I haven't used an actual journal in a long, long time. It is more of an internal thing now - although I do often use the Calendar function in Microsoft Outlook to get myself kick-started. I get the daily pop-up PROG MUSIC PROJECT (or whatever). Do that for a few days until habits kick in.




Anyway hope that made sense and is helpful in some way.
Click to expand...
It made a lot of sense. I am a chronic list maker and like you, enjoy the feeling of checking off a completed item. Usually however, my list consists of several "easy" tasks i.e., schedule doctor appointment, put trash out etc. There there are the items which are more of a PROJECT nature. ...going thru boxes of pictures, clothes, etc.. Those are the ones that are constantly going unchecked and back up on the next list.

I will make my mantra PROGRESS, as I think that has more of a positive connotation than simply telling myself to do a "little at a time."

Thank you, as always, your words are wise and appreciated. Tell us about your novels.
 
It is all about feeling good about what is done rather than living under a big dark cloud of what remains.

I used the same kind of strategy when I embarked on my apartment cleaning/chucking project a few months back. If I ever let myself think about how much needed to be done, I would have just thrown my hands up and said forget it. It was a huge undertaking. This place was a mess. There were cruddy, dusty corners that hadn't been touched in 14 years. There were cupboards I was afraid to look in. I'm not exaggerating.

But if I just pick one little corner and do that and give myself a pat on the back for meeting my goal - progress! - then pick the next little corner ----> eventually everything got done and I felt pretty good every step of the way.

I dunno - maybe there are people out there who don't have to play games with themselves like that to get things done but I don't care. Works for me.
 
Part of my problem is that my most daunting tasks seem to involve decision making.....usually involving whether or not to keep something or get rid of it. I know there are "formulas" for organization etc that tell you if it hasn't been worn/used in a year to get rid of it but I have a tough time with that. I have the inner battle...you might want to wear that again. You paid a lot of money for that.

I have really become disgusted with "stuff" lately, but I still can't seem to part with many things which in reality, I will never wear/use again.
 
IAG
I have really become disgusted with "stuff" lately, but I still can't seem to part with many things which in reality, I will never wear/use again.
Click to expand...

A few years ago I was basically living out of my car and in motels, I had everything I owned/needed/wanted in a single hockey bag that would easily fit in my cars trunk.

I'm still a minimalist. If I'm not using something, it gets chucked.

I really enjoy keeping it simple when it comes to "stuff".

I'm no hoarder, and not in danger of becoming one. My apt is neat and tidy and only contains items that get regular use that are in good condition.

Also, I have thrown out alot of pictures, old memories don't make me feel better, usually worse.

I have a hard time letting go of emotions and old pictures don't help. I ran in to an ex girlfriend at the supermarket a few months after breaking up, she told me she wanted to give me some photos I had taken of her and went home and brought them to me. I trashed them as soon as we said goodbye. I don't want pictures of any of my exes.
 
Yeah my basic strategy was, if in doubt, chuck it.

I'm sure I could have complicated the hell out of things but I just chucked shit. No room for sentimentality.

I bet I chucked over 30 garbage bags of stuff - and this is not a huge place. That's not counting big stuff like bookshelves I no longer needed (which I chucked).

I could have made more effort to find homes for some stuff - but to hell with it, just chuck it.

No regrets. Liberating as hell.
 
Archie
This thread might help on the Chucking things hesitation

http://gamelive.com/forum/showthread.php/18482-Chucking-stuff?highlight=chuck
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Thanks Archie!

I have never been one to collect a lot of needless things except in the clothing department. And this Bluetooth thing I bought a few months ago. I paid $70 for it and it's not been out of the box. I'm sure I had a reason when I bought it. I will probably never use it, but I refuse to get rid of it cuz I paid $70 for it...a few months ago.
 
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