Do I tell mom?

IAG

R.E.M. enthusiast
Since
Apr 9, 2010
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I just got a voice mail from my cousin that mom's only sibling (my aunt) just passed. She was 91. I guess I will opt not to tell mom for now.

I just posted on this subject on the Alz. forum and answered someone who had the same question. I believe I said best not to tell. It would do no good other than make her sad in the moment, and she would forget 5 minutes later. Still, I am always telling her that her sister is alive and living in Kansas. I don't know what to say if she asks me directly. Most of the time she forgets she has a sister so I guess it's not as bad as it could be.

Is there any compelling reason that I am missing to tell her?

She obviously will not be able to attend the funeral, nor will I probably. Now I have to go call my brothers. :(
 

Cami

Queen Bee
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Dec 27, 2011
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13,886
Awe, I'm sorry for your loss :( :hug:

Honestly, unless she asks about her, I wouldn't say anything. Like you said, if she's just going to forget in 5 minutes, what's the point in upsetting her right now.
 

simpleandy

SP Nation
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Oct 6, 2013
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Went through the same deal with my grandma this last summer. We didn't tell her or take her to the funeral which was only 40 miles away. Bad deal, but it's the best way. Grandma ended up checking out about 2 months later.....
 

bacon

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Jun 25, 2012
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IAG I so sorry to hear that homie.

I think the answer is yes, you should tell her but I respect whatever decision you make.
 

IAG

R.E.M. enthusiast
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Apr 9, 2010
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12,589
I told my brothers I wasn't telling mom and I think they were surprised but also respect my decision. I told them if anyone can present a compelling argument for telling her, I would consider it. If she asks later I may say that her sister passed away..like I tell her almost daily that her husband died 11 years ago, but telling her in the present doesn't seem to make much sense.
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I'll go back and look at the alz forum thread, but if I remember correctly the concensus was a don't ask, don't tell kind of policy.
 

shdw01

resident nice guy
Since
Apr 15, 2010
Messages
455
I agree there is no point in telling her.

however, she may not be as devastated as you think. Similarly to you telling her that her husband passed away (albeit 11 years ago), she doesn't seem to have fresh memories/connections and it may not really affect her anymore than learning of her long deceased husband.
 

bacon

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Jun 25, 2012
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I changed my stance, you shouldn't tell her because it'd do more harm than good.

My first thought was honesty and clarity, but I think the result would just not be good or constructive.
 

shdw01

resident nice guy
Since
Apr 15, 2010
Messages
455
I change my stance. Tell her once and see how she reacts...if it really bothers her never tell her again.

If she doesn't mind (like her husband)....one less eggshell to dance around on a daily basis.

Eventually, you make a video for her to watch every morning like 50 first dates
 

bacon

Banned
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Jun 25, 2012
Messages
17,967
Nicely done shw01

I chance my stance to I don't know, I just hope it works out.