Poster Jail Stories....

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Put in a holding cell for 6 hours after jumping a subway turnstyle.
Forgot I had a small amount of marijuana in my pocket.
Oh, and I was drunk.
I was wearing a suit. A guy in with me was crying nonstop.
Another guy was moved to another cell after they ran his priors and found out he was wanted for murder.
Cops removed my batteries from my Walkman.
It was a long walk back to my apartment let me tell you.
 
Thread should have a ton more responses.

Once got arrested for failure to sign a citation. Dad came to bail me out. Got to my car, still wasted. Drove 30 mins to bang this girl I was seeing's best friend. Got busted fucking on on the couch by her mother who came home early.

Shoulda stayed the night in jail.
 
First arrest, juvey. In the booking area. Sitting on bench. Tons of empty bench space. Black kid twice my size comes in walks right up to me and tells me to move out of his seat. There is literally tons of empty space around me.

I thought about it, and I moved. Welcome to the system, kid. Enjoy your stay.
 
An almost jail story....about a year ago. Pulled over. Drunk. Probably the hottest cop in Florida besides Daffy. But a girl. Gorgeous.

Asks me how much I had to drink. I say enough. Asks for my ID etc. I get registration but I have two in my glove compartment. She askes me to look and give her the right one.

Well I was rolling on molly as well and everything was a bit blurry. But I pulled it together, quit grinding and gave her the right one.

I know I'm done for. I even admitted it and here comes the backup car.

Well I was dressed up pretty fancy this night. And I have to think my luck of getting a female cop and me not wearing a tank top had to have helped. I dunno...but holy shit.

She tells me to get out of car and asks if anyone can come get me. WHATTTTT??? I say no but I could call a cab. She says OK and waits for a cab to get me. HUGE break for yours truly. So I can't leave well enough alone, and with the male officers in the back looking at me like they really hated me, I asked her quietly why she was cutting me a break.

She said I wasn't swerving, I was able to identify the right registration so she felt like I wasn't a threat, just made a bad call.

She wanted to fuck me, lets admit it.

Got home from taxi and realized I still had a baggy of molly in my inside jacket pocket I forgot about. Can you say introducing contraband charge on top of DUI?

Good non jail story. Fuck I need to be better behaved.
 
I feel like if I ever had to do real time, which is always a possibility, I could make it work. I know that's rubbish and I'd have an existence of terrifying mental and physical anguish. But I think I could.

Our high school did a prison tour for some reason and I knew all the brothers on the food line and they had me back there serving up slop with them. By no means do I think I have an in with the blacks given this story, but I can get down. I can adapt and adjust. I can suck a mean dick.

Oh man it's gonna be great.:guitar:
 
My long time ago ex...she had a cousin who went crazy on pixie sticks, killed his girlfriend, was holed up with the SWAT team, lit house on fire, ran out got terribly burned and tackled then hung himself in jail shortly after.

But he was always fun to party with. Johnny Cajun they called him.

Intense dude.

Oh I think he killed a dog too. Fuck that guy.
 
Edward James Olmos makes pretty gritty prison movies.
 
I wonder what Buju Banton does on a daily basis. I'm betting on buggery.
 
Remember Adebisi from Oz?

He seemed like he could be a pretty kick ass cell mate.

542775-adebisi.jpeg
 
I have successfully talked my way out of 2 possible arrests.
I also successfully talked my way out of 3 traffic tickets.
I unsuccessfully tried to talk my way out of 2 traffic tickets.
I unsuccessfully tried to talk my way out of getting kicked out of summer camp. That's not jail, but it b/c of something illegal.
 
2 stints in jail, once for 10 another for 3o all due to child support. I have my boys more than her and have had surgeries which disabled me from my construction business. Understanding DA and judge, ya right. Missed some payments cuz I could not work so instead of when I could work they put me in the clink. Boring as hell and 90 percent black 7 percent Mex. and 3 white. I am in pretty good shape and big enough to take care of myself so I had a bit of say in the place after they knew I took no shit from anyone. Food and inmates suck dick. The worst are the young black kids who will steal your arm if not attached.
 
I got arrested for trespassing, destruction of property, disorderly conduct, and possession of banned substance one night. I had issue with this kid, so I go to his house and start pounding on the door, he won't open up. So I decided to throw a propane tank through his window and let myself in.

Went to jail, and they took inventory of what I had on, found some Molly, cash, and my inhaler. Get bailed out and they won't give me my inhaler back. My lawyer threatened to sue the police for depriving me of my medicine, anyway the charges got dropped and all I had to do was fix the window and buy and new propane tank.
 
Picking up steam. Can't wait for Juror to share his Guatemalan prison stories here :yeahright:
 
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