Cougar Bait: World's Greatest Lover

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Bread

Bread

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In perusing the threads this morning, I observed something that I found to be quite phenomenal. It is concerning our old pal Cougar Bait, who may very well be the World's Greatest Lover. Behold...

At 11:12 pm we see Cougs up to his regular old tricks. Bragging about his "well kept" pubic region. Inquiring about my nuts. Status quo type stuff.

Cougar Bait
I have some on top but it is sparse and well kept.

The way it should be.

ETA on Bread's shaved nuts?
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Then at 11:33 pm, exactly 21 minutes later, we get this:

Cougar Bait
When is this?

Amazing shit just happened to me

Fuck me

What the hell, might as well start a thread and go to bed.

Can't believe this shit
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At this point nobody is quite sure about the fortunes that have been bestowed upon our buddy. Did he hit a big winner? Did Brock Landers deliver his pizza? What happened??

Jump forward seven minutes to 11:40 pm and we get this marvelous, slightly homoerotic tale:

Cougar Bait
Okay so me and my girl do this thing after she's done getting hers where she rides me and before I climax I tell her and she jumps off and finishes it with her hand. She's not a fan of the junk so it usually works out. On the bed if it falls that way or my belly or whatever. Anyway, so this time she does it and as it's happening I am seeing my own semen flying at me. She must have turned her wrist and the end or something. I moved my face about a tenth of a second before otherwise I would have swallowed my own junk. See, my mouth was open from the pleasure. Luckily the light was on in the next room otherwise I wouldn't even had seen it. It hit me square in the right cheek and fell innocently down my face.

As bad as it was, it could have been much worse.

I can't believe I got my own facial. :cougarbait:
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By my estimates, this makes Cougar Bait this World's Greatest Lover!!!

You see, at 11:12, Cougs typed about his ballsack. I suppose this put him in the mood, because he spent the next 21 minutes not only pleasing his woman, but also getting himself so worked up that he almost booted an Adam Vinatieri field goal straight through the little horns on his head. Now that's impressive. It takes many of us 21 minutes to even get it up these days.

But wait...there's more.

I'm assuming that at 11:12 pm he didn't immediately sprint from the computer the very second after posting. There had to be some form of a segue. A flirtatious remark. A passing glance. I know the kid looks like Joaquin Phoenix, but even he can't just springboard into the pearly gates with no warning. An educated guess is going to subtract five minutes for the transitional period of posting-to-sexy time.

We are now down to 16 minutes, give or take.

Now, assuming that when Cougs made the decision to begin a new thread to tell of his naughty tale when he said

What the hell, might as well start a thread and go to bed.
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it took approx. seven minutes to type it out. Using Bread-logic, I can thus assume that it took Cougs about four minutes to type out

When is this?

Amazing shit just happened to me

Fuck me

What the hell, might as well start a thread and go to bed.

Can't believe this shit
Click to expand...
.

So where does that leave us? About 12 minutes? TWELVE FREAKIN' MINUTES????? TO GET YOUR GIRL OFF, JIZZ ALL OVER YOUR FACE, CLEAN UP YOUR MESS AND STUMBLE BACK OVER TO THE COMPUTER?!!?!? :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown:


Cougar Bait, you are TRULY The World's Greatest Lover!! :love::dancer:
 
Wow. Seriously. And your estimates are extremely conservative... likely closer to 5-8 minutes.
 
Exceptional detective work Senor Bread. CB, we need a rebuttal or confirmation to these allegations.
 
Just to confirm, I am not doubting the time line. I think that Cougs is truly that amazing! I want him to fuck ME!
 
I was really worried to open this thread

But it's pretty accurate

Though I don't claim to be the world's greatest lover

I can get hard on demand though

Bread what does a job pleasing you and Robyn when summoned pay? You can even dress me up like the Gimp from Pulp Fiction
 
so you are saying that getting your girl off in ONLY 12 minutes is impressive?

You mean to say that it usually takes longer?

I need some help here..
 
Amby it is the entire package. Getting his girl off in only 12 minutes....getting himself so worked up that he shoots a cannon (usually, the more time invested in sexy sessions = the more worked up I get = more distance for my 350 ML!!!11) ...and also cleaning up the mess and back to posting.

Machine.


Cougs the pay is meager but the rewards great. :moped::depom:
 
Amby I certainly didn't.

No it took way less time than that. I think there may have been a time period there between the initial post Bread started with and the actual act itself.

Plus there was a period of contemplation of even posting this.

Is it gay to get your own facial even if it's on accident?

I am worried. Bread, help.
 
Bread, lets talk dollars.

We are talking red apple in the mouth and everything.
 
Bread the initial thread post has made me laugh many times

I owe you a back massage
 
Cougar Bait
Amby I certainly didn't.

No it took way less time than that. I think there may have been a time period there between the initial post Bread started with and the actual act itself.

Plus there was a period of contemplation of even posting this.

Is it gay to get your own facial even if it's on accident?

I am worried. Bread, help.
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YEs...it is gay. I am sorry but it is the truth
 
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